Speak For Yourself
by Delicate Liasons
Summary: Based upon the Speak for Yourself soundtrack by Imogen Heap. What do you do when you fall in love? What do you do when that love threatens your psuedofamily? Harry and Hermione try fill between the lines. H/HR and some passing H/G.
1. The Walk

_April 12, 1998_

She laid across him, feeling as if she was inside and upside down and every other direction. She sat up, looking down at him with a smile as he ran a hand over her backside.

"Stop that- Harry, we can't continue this. You know we aren't supposed to be here- I think we'd better leave. It isn't safe in here..." He groped and grinned. "And I feel a weakness coming on."

He tugged her back down and she sighed into his neck.

"Oh alright then, I can keep your number for a rainy day." He frowned and looked down at her.

"That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving..." She stood, stretching and grinning, ignoring the fact she was only wearing his t-shirt. She felt his eyes roam.

"I was doing so well," He answered with a slight groan, shifting on the bed.

"Could we just be friends?" She asked. He stood and grabbed her.

"I feel a weakness coming on, Hermione..." He pulled her against him and kissed her deeply, his eyes closing.

As she was kissed by her best friend, she honestly felt that maybe this wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't what she had planned at all. She didn't really want to feel this way, but she couldn't help it. So, obviously..

"This is all your fault, Harry." She teased, and hours flew and they dressed and they were preparing dinner for Ron and Ginny.

She felt guilty, twisted all around again but in a bad way. She felt Harry behind her, and she shoved him away.

"You're just making it harder than it already is," She hissed, looking at him. He grinned and she couldn't help but almost kiss him.

She grabbed his shirt forward and pulled him closer, feeling as if she was on the brink, and she stared in his eyes. She was losing control, and her primary resistance was at a critical low. She knew she needed to get a hold of herself, the point of no return was nearing and she needed to stop before they got caught. There was no way out if they did.

"It's...not supposed to be like this," She said, dropping her hands and moving away from him as she heard voices getting closer and closer to the kitchen. She paused before smiling and looking up at him.

"And Hermione, it's obviously..all your fault," He whispered back, smiling as they turned with their bluff on to the two redheads.

_Christmas Day, 1998_

It was Christmas at the Burrow, and they had all gathered. It was that time of year, and everyone was happy and chatting. It had been a very hard year, but everyone was on the others' side. It was...family. And it was comfortable. They didn't have to worry about anything for a little while.

"How did you know? It's what I've always wanted," Ginny said as she lifted up a coffee mug with some sarcasm. "Can never have too many of these..."

"Will you quit kicking me under the table!" Ron said to Harry.

"Oh shut up about -" Harry spat back, grinning.

"Can we settle down, please?" Molly said over the chaos, causing everyone to laugh.

It was honestly the best time of they'd had for a long while, everyone was letting go their sadness and just being happy with being with each other. All dressed up and happy. Harry's eyes roamed over Hermione's figure in the blue figure hugging dress as he sipped his coffee. He wanted to pull her close, but he had to count to ten and back off a bit...

"Wait, is something burning? Oh lord, Hermione, did you forget the rolls?"

"Sorry!"

"Whoever put on this music better turn it off," Fleur piped up, rolling her eyes. Molly opened her mouth to argue, but Arthur cut her off asking for another coffee. He winked at Fleur, to show her he was on her side.

Hermione gave Harry a pleading 'get me out of here' look, and he obliged. Excusing himself, Harry grabbed Hermione's hand in the chaos, and dragged her out into the snow. Silently relieved they weren't in the midst of the chaos anymore, he wrapped his arms around her and sighed happily. She shivered and he rubbed her arms softly, shooting a look back at the Burrow before he looked down at her with a smile.

"Just for now."

"I am in love with you," Ginny said huskily as she crawled on top of the black-haired man in her bed. She was living for the moment and taking what she wanted, he guessed. He captured her lips, and pinned her down.

"Another," She replied, just as huskily. He dipped down and kissed down her neck. "Another one please, baby." He smirked.

"Just like that," She murmured. She slid out from under him and smirked.

"Don't you run away, come here and finish what you started." He grabbed her and pulled her closer, his hands roaming her body. All it would take was someone to come in and find them, to ruin this. It was hot in the room, and his glasses were getting steamed up. He couldn't help but imagine that her hair was brown and curly instead of red and straight. Split second, and it would be all in smoke.

"Well, don't yourself in a situation, darling, that you can't handle." She moaned into his ear as his hands slid up her chest and he kissed her harder. He fell on top of her and movements meshed into each other, melting into one delicious pile of pleasure. However, there was a certain feeling missing. The actual love. It wasn't there anymore.

_February 16th, 1999_

She couldn't wait. It was only one more day, 'til she'd see him again. She was fidgeting in her chair at her desk at work. It honestly took her back to when they were back at school. The excitement building to go to Hogsmeade. She was remembering all the times they'd gone, and finally they were going to go back and spend some time together. Alone. It was not often that her and Harry got together much anymore without Ron and Ginny. She honestly hoped that Ginny would let him go, and that he'd meet her there. She kept fidgeting all night, until the next morning when she rushed to get ready and apparated, appearing in front of their favorite spot. He was already waiting a little bit down the road, and he was absolutely handsome.

And handsome he was. Picture perfect. She ran towards him, hugging him tightly. She could barely see anything beyond him, the village seemed to be dissolving as his emerald eyes bore into her. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights, his love was so overpowering. He dragged her into the Three Broomsticks and upstairs, kicking open his door.

"Is it safe now?"

"I just have to kiss you. Try and stop me," He said, before taking her lips firmly. His arms closed around her and she felt like she was melting, her arms wrapping around his neck. She could feel his heart thundering underneath his chest, and knew all his thought process was on her. He was there. She pulled back for air, looking up at him.

"Where did you get to?" She said, whispering. Harry hadn't been around often much anymore. He slackened his grip on her and swallowed hard. She froze.

"Are you in fear of love? But, Harry- You don't believe -"

"I'll cover both of us. You can leave that to me," He pressed her into another kiss, picking her up and setting her on the dresser as he held her, quieting her fears. They had never assumed they loved each other, that they were merely friends with benefits making up for what their significant others lacked. But he had felt his love closing in around him, and honestly he hoped Hermione would feel the same in time. Of course, he didn't know that she already did.

_March 17, 1999_

There was a knock on her door. She opened it and Harry was standing there, his eyes bloodshot. He was holding Ron up.

"Are you alone? No one's out here, and we weren't followed, so you've nothing to worry about." He said, in a hoarse whisper. She let them in immediately, right after Ron got finished vomiting on the porch.

"Is he alright?"

"Just drunk. He'll be okay. I picked him up from a bar in Little Whinging." He dumped Ron on the couch unceremoniously. Hermione rushed to wipe the sick off him before it got onto her couch. He grabbed for her

"Her...mynee..."

"No, Ron, don't speak. I'll take care of this, I'll clear a space for you. Just...lay down. I'll be here when you're sober." She responded, laying him down on his side and sighing frustratedly as she looked over at Harry.

"Questions or coffee first?"

"Coffee, please. Then questions."

She got busy making him coffee and started asking questions not long afterward.

"It was really nothing, Hermione. He just said he felt like your guys' relationship was going nowhere."

"You can go home, if you like.."

Her heart broke a little, especially with the weight of their secret on her shoulders.

"Oh, Harry...I'm ruining his life, aren't I?" She said, weakly. Harry wrapped his arms around her.

"No," Harry lied, shaking his head. "Just trust me, he'll be alright...He'll find his way back down, and I'll keep the area clear-" "You will, Harry? Oh, thank you so much-" "George will be over once he finds his way in one piece, and I'll just be waiting here, right here for you."

Slowly, he unwrapped her from his arms and kissed her forehead. Nobody meant more to him than the brunette in front of him, and he hated seeing her upset. He almost wanted her relationship with Ron to end so he had a reason to get away from Ginny. He wanted Hermione to fall into his arms. He wanted to be her main, her only, focus.

Hermione left the kitchen to tend to Ron, and Harry remembered his promise. Keep the area free, and uncomplicated. For both of them.

And keep waiting. Right here. For her.

_March 23rd, 1999_

He loved working with Hermione. She was so focused, so hard on doing what she had to do and getting it done, that barely anything could distract her. He loved being on site. He loved seeing those flaming brown eyes as she figured out a problem or helped him deduce what was going on. He had been leaning back in his chair, watching her figure something out and grinning when she got that elated 'Eureka!' look on her face. Finally, she looked up, perplexed.

"Oh don't mind me, 'Mione. I mean, it's 9pm and we're the only ones around. I just love watching you. We should go get food though, we're staying too late." He said innocently, as he stood and stretched. She stood and put her jacket on, absolutely euphoric.

"Oh Harry, I figured it out, I got it! I know who did it, It was Zabini."

"Was it really..?" He honestly didn't care much, he was just so amused at her happiness. He laughed softly, it was almost infectious. They apparated to one of their favorite italian restaurants, and crawled into a booth together.

"This is really it, all stops out. We're going to have our first trial! With me as Lawyer, and you as auror- We make such a good team, Harry. I'm so excited!" She said, shovelling food into her mouth.

"Well, it's going to take a little while," He said rather thickly through a mouthful of spaghetti.

"I know, I know. But we did it, Harry. We did our first case together, I'm so happy." She said, as she finished her food and pushed her plate away from her in record time,

Harry laughed to himself. It got him everytime.

_April 27th, 1999_

It was raining outside, and Hermione had been curled up on the sofa with a book when the door opened. She looked up, surprised to see Harry.

"What's up?" She asked, nonchalantly.

"Nothing, I just wanted to stop by.." He said almost miserably, and she knew it was an excuse.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, Hermione, it's really complicated but I think Molly might be onto what we're doing. She talked to me about how I've been spending so much time with you, and I think she knows. I think she's going to tell Ron and Ginny if we don't stop seeing each other."

Her heart plummeted. Immediately she knew the answer. Of course. They'd forgotten, somewhere along the line, to tie up loose ends. Her breath hitched and she felt tears well in her eyes.

"Really, she knows?"

"I'm almost positive, Hermione."

"Let's just say, we give up, and we walk away. I mean, we're overrated, anyway.."

He nodded. And then he apparated.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

_April 28th, 1999_

He leaned over, kissing the redhead next to him. It didn't even feel right. Wasn't love supposed to keep you young and frisky? He felt so old, and he felt like they had grown so far apart. He sighed as he leaned back in his chair. Ginny was about to go into another one of her tirades.

"Harry, Mum's beginning to pressure marriage..I think we need to talk about it-"

"Not now, please. I'm tired.."

"Not now, not ever. Harry, it's never a good time with you. How will we ever move on?"

He looked over at the photos on the wall of the four of them. Ron, Hermione, Ginny and him. What went wrong?

/

_April 28th, 1999_

"Are you pregnant or PMS, or what's going on?"

"No, Ronald, none of the above. I'm just tired. Work has been hectic lately."

"But you always used to enjoy work..."

"Yeah, well, things change, don't they?" She snapped. She saw Ron put his hands up in her peripheral vision and sighed.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a bitch.."

"No, I understand. 'It's complicated' and all that. Just...come to me when you're ready."

She stared at the picture on her desk. There was nothing to salvage with Harry, so why was she bothering to be so upset about it?

_August 3rd, 1999_

Hermione's eyes nearly glazed over as she ran into him at the Ministry. It had been a few months since they'd been properly alone, or even talked. And now, she was stuck in a lift with him for the next five minutes. She cleared her throat, and she knew he wanted to say something.

"It takes a lot, to be always on full, Harry. I may be not all the time, but I know what to do in this situation. It's been one of those days. Please, just..don't hurry this. It hurts. I'm one of the remaining, and I'm waiting on one look. Have you got it in you?"

"What?"

"I said, 'Have you got it in you?'"

She turned to him, easing out a sigh.

"I'm-"

"Just all at once, no whisper. Just let me have it all, can we just get this over with?"

She felt even worse, and against all the odds, it couldn't have gotten any worse. Ron entered the lift.

"Harry!...'Mione," He said, adding a kiss to her cheek as he passed. "Didja see what she's sporting? Brand new rock, courtesy of the Ministry."

Harry's heart sunk and he stared at her hand.

"Wow..that's..."

"Yeah, I heard that you asked Ginny, too."

There was a sudden uncomfortable silence. Hermione ignored the tears in her eyes. She was looking at Harry as if begging it wasn't true.

"Yeah, she said yes."

"Great, Harry! Who knows, maybe we can have a double wedding?" Ron said, before getting off the lift. "Gotta go, have fun!"

Hermione and Harry stared at each other. Hermione choked back a sob, moving her gaze to the floor.

"I don't have it in me," She answered honestly as she got off the flat, the doors clanging shut behind her, leaving a wounded Harry behind.

_August 17th, 1999_

He felt like he was drowning. He laid in bed alone. It was raining outside, and the TV was flickering. Ginny had gone to the Burrow for the weekend. The weather was bringing back all of his memories of Hermione, and running into her at the Ministry didn't help. He kind of felt like he wanted to go outside in the rain and just melt in it. He remembered when he had tried to explain what Hermione made him feel, and quite ungracefully said that it felt like she had put his heart in a headlock. They had both dissolved into a fit of laughter, and held each other. He remembered Hermione telling him she didn't believe that he could feel that way for anyone, and he had grinned but not argued, but he knew the truth was, he loved her so much.

Hermione walked down the stairs from her apartment. She had been thinking of Harry all night. They had been such a mismatched pair, just in step but out of line. She threw a stranger a haphazard smile, a bit intention to be happy about today. Just like she should have been yesterday. It was too late to start with being excited to get married, she had no want to. She was afraid to. She was holding out hope something would change, but she knew herself better than this.

Harry rolled over uncomfortably in bed. He'd been hiding from the Ministry, mostly because of Hermione. He probably looked half-dead half the time. He clutched his pillow to him, and had a silly thought. He wished he could dream Hermione, sort of like machines do, like a perfect image with no problems, just what they were supposed to be. He sighed heavily and dropped the pillow before getting up and jumping into the shower. He knew himself better than this. He'd go into work (late) but he'd still be there. And he'd face the day. And things would go on normally.

Maybe.

_December 18th, 1999_

She had been watching him. They certainly weren't avoiding each other anymore. Seeing him still made her heart skip beats, she was struggling to hide from him how much she cared. She would be caught daydreaming at work, or even at lunch at the corner cafe. She had almost tripped on her way back into the Ministry, he had caught her arm before she fell, and their eyes met. _He got her everytime. He caught her when she fell._

Why'd she have to be so cute? It was impossible to ignore her when she kept sending him looks like that. It was like being in grade-school all over again. She made him laugh, and it was already bad enough they were getting along so well. It was hard to remind himself as they got off work to just...say goodnight and go. However...

He had followed her home, and she was listening to music and she was dancing. He laughed, peeking through the window. Luckily, he had a beautiful shot. She was taking everything off, with the curtains wide open. And she was following the same routine, watching TV while she relaxed and ate dinner. And she thought she was alone, which was the most hilarious thing. It was also too cute.

One of these days, she'd miss his train and he'd have to come pick her up and they'd have drinks and talk about things normally. Any excuse they could use to stay up. She could spend the night, he'd sleep on the couch and she'd take the bed. But maybe the heating would be down again...They would be good...No, they would be great together.

Wait, what the hell was he thinking? He slapped himself mentally and sighed. But now she was digging into her second bowl of strawberry ice cream, her eyes wide and focused on the TV. He couldn't help but smile and mouth something to her figure. "Goodnight," He said silently, as he turned to walk home underneath his invisibility cloak.

_May 4th, 1999_

"Harry, you can't be serious."

The moment he had said it, and opened his mouth, he couldn't believe himself. Ginny was standing here, tears pouring heavily like lead from eyelids. It was as if he'd bulldozed the life out of her.

"Darling, you aren't thinking straight," She stated hopefully, and he shook his head.

"Gin...Sadly, things just happen that we can't explain."

He grabbed his car keys and she moved to stop him.

"It's not even light out. Please just stay, please-"

"Gin..."

No hesitation to tell her no?

"Harry, I've never seen you like this. I don't like it, I don't like it at all." She was sobbing now, wringing her hands in his shirt. Her eyes flickered to the phone, his flickered to the wand in her hand and he made a grab for it

"Just put your wand down, or someone's going to get hurt-"

"Who are you calling at this hour?"

"Hermione. Please, just sit down, come round and calm down. We'll work this all out together."

"We're getting nowhere tonight. Just...let's go to sleep, I promise I'll all make this better tomorrow somehow..."

"Gin.."

He was cut off again, as he answered the phone.

"Hermione, we need to talk."

On the other side of London, a woman was pulling on her clothes fiercely.

"Ron, I've got to go, Harry needs me. I'll explain later."

"Buhh- what? It's not even five am, yet. Just..go help him in the morning. The Ministry isn't even open,"

"It's a bit more..difficult, than that, Ron...I don't know if I can keep this up."

"...Hermione? Are you okay?"

"Ron, I'll just call you later and we'll all discuss this together."

"Hermione, you're scaring me. What's going on? Dammit, Hermione... Please, don't go-"

She apparated into the room of her apartment, and her ears met the sound of a vase smashing into the opposite wall.

"How could you!"

"Don't, Ginny!"

There was another smash.

"I trusted you! You lied! She's my BEST FRIEND!"

"HE'S MY BEST FRIEND, TOO! Do you think I'm enjoying this? Ginny, our relationship has been for YOUR FAMILY." He practically roared back at her.

"I can't- I can't believe I'm losing you...Stay with me. Trust me on this one. I've got a bad feeling."

"Ginny, you don't know what you're talking about."

"You're really going to throw me away?"

"Yes."

"With no hesitation?"

"Yes."

Smash.


	2. Hide and Seek

_May 5th, 2000_

Her eyes clouded with tears. She couldn't even keep track of where she was. What the hell was going on? It seemed the dust had only just begun to fall, cropcircles in the carpet of her apartment. The sinking feeling in her stomach as she stared at the black haired male in her house. She felt spun around due to the argument that had just occured, the slamming of doors and the sound of crying, and she quickly rubbed her eyes as if it would make everything rewind and not happen.

"This can't be- This can't be happening. We didn't really just lose them." Her voice faded into a pained whisper.

The streets outside seemed to drown her out. Everything seemed to stop, as if everyone was mourning for them. It was if playing Hide and Seek, she was sure that they would both burst in and everything would be back to normal. Harry's eyes met hers as he approached her slowly, taking her hands. She was reminded of the train, when they first met. Ron, Hermione, and Harry. The trio. All of those years, they had had to come first. Her eyes roamed to the pictures on the wall, dingy and unmoved. They almost seemed oily in her blurred vision, the pictures empty of any emotion to her. Moments of pleasure had hung there before, pictures of four friends, before everything had broken apart. She guessed that it was a still life that they had had, before the take over of her own insensitivity. She choked back a sob.

Harry's eyes were clouded with tears as he pulled the woman against him. He had just said goodbye to his best friend, he was never going to see them again. It was if they were playing hide and seek. And he'd always been here for her first.

"But you said, that you didn't want to be with me anymore, that you said it was for the best-"

"Hermione, you should know by I know I have no clue what is the best anymore. I know I need you, I can't let this seperate us. Please come back."

She stared at him, as if she could not believe him.

"So, you only meant well? You didn't want anyone to get hurt...This is what we need, right now?" She had been waiting for him to say this for so long, but right now? Not the best time. Ron had just left her, and Harry had just left Ginny.

"I love you."

"What did you say?"

"Hermione, I love you."

It was if the world had melted around them, the bittersweet darkness closing around her as she stared into emerald eyes.


End file.
